On the way to church last night, my husband and I were talking about finances and hypothetically what a 5th child would mean for our future and part of that would be him getting a second job (seeing as his place of employment refuses to pay their guys/ladies what they deserve let alone even in a competitive range with other like places). But, something about that choice still seemed so extreme. Surely not...at least, not in the early years. So, this morning I woke up with a challenge. This may seem ridiculous to some for something like this to be SOOO hard but I'm going to propose a sort of fast for our family; no more fast food and one sit down restaurant dinner a month. For our entire marriage, eating out has been a regular thing but it is draining us of money faster than anything else. It's easy. It's fast and some days, there's just nothing like a big, fat, juicy hamburger. But, is it really worth it? We have some goals of things we want to get and blowing $20 here, $40 there, more there....how in the world do we ever plan on meeting these goals?!? We've fallen behind on other things...most importantly, giving to God. In a time when our church family is in need, it is just another reason to make this sacrifice. And, need I even mention the health benefits of not having all of this junk in our systems? It has gotten so bad that EVERY TIME we get in the car to go somewhere and regardless of what time of day or night, the kids ask for fast food. I'd say this has definitely become an addiction.
Goal two: STOP SCREAMING!!!! Oh wait...let's try that again....stop screaming ; ) Old habits die hard and this one I've struggled with since long before I even had my first child. My third child's speech therapist told me that she too has a hard time with this one so when she feels like letting out a good bellow, she whispers. She said her son looks at her like she's crazy when she does this LOL! This will be an area I will probably fail the most in but I've got to change this as I'm already teaching my children that it is ok to yell at each other and then my correcting them makes me more of a hypocrite than anything. I have to live the example.
Lastly, I need to smile at my children. Not just more but really, I need to actually look them in the eyes and smile at them. Yes, they know I love them but do they know I LIKE them? If my face doesn't show it, then is it really there? This came to me after my husband and I had been talking about the Winnie the Poo personalities. I used to be a Tigger. I used to happy and giddy and playful. But I've lost it. I've given it away. I've let Satan have that child-like heart of mine. Why? Because of trying to get people to actually like me. What good has that served me and my family? None. In my efforts to be more "mature" and to change the really nasty views that others seem to have of me, I've lost that spirit and that grieves my heart because what I loved the most about childhood, instead of leading my children through those memories by creating our own, I'm just a bump on a log now. So, I figure that if I can just start with smiling at them, then the hardness of my heart will begin to melt away and hopefully and prayerfully, more of ME will come back and I can actually have FUN with my little ones! They won't be little for long and when they're all grown, I'll be crushed that I didn't do more with them...more fun and silly and childish LIFE.
So, here's to day one!
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