These past several months, my life has fallen apart. An "addiction" from old has risen up and gripped my heart like never before. I've sadly had another miscarriage. Depression has drug me back down to the bottom again and I ended up in the ICU this time. I have felt so defeated. I FEEL so defeated. How can I have come so far and be back here again; back at square one at the bottom of the pit? As I pursue my long term goal of counseling, I have felt like I have so far to go before I can be of any use. I have believed that I have to overcome all of this in order to help others over come there issues. I have felt some what relieved that I have so much school still to go because I'm going to need a life time to be able to be of any good. So I thought at least.
There is this lovely lady in my life who has become quite a treasured friend. Someone who I thought would never care a thing for me loves me and carries my burden and is probably, next to my husband, the least condemning person I have ever met. We sat in this little diner and she let me pour out all of my mess and she took it all without the slightest cringe. In working with me through my disaster of a life, she shared some of her personal struggles and I sat surprised. Not AT her struggles but that she does struggle. While we all know in our heads that everyone is imperfect, there is this heart battle that most all women deal with; that this woman or that woman has it all together and is perfect and we long so much to be this ideal woman. To learn that not only does she make mistakes but that she has walked some of the same roads as you, well....just blew my mind and gave me peace and comfort. I'm not alone after all.
From this conversation and much mulling over it over the past few days, I believe that God has given me a nugget; I don't have to be perfect and I certainly do not have to overcome my problems in order to be able to help others. In my mind, I see victory as in worldly terms. The war is fought and won and over. And while I still want it to be that way and while a life of war leaves me wanting to crawl into the nearest hole and not come for a very long time, victory....overcoming in the spirit world is different. Maybe I'm not really at square one after all.
I will never overcome depression. And, this "addiction" will most likely walk through my life with me. I have choices to make day after day and and how I choose will determine victory or defeat. The battle will only be won in eternity. I can't control depression. I'm sick. It's possibly genetic but very much a part of who I am. But, I still have choices. I can choose to get up and do something, even if it is just getting that couch full of clothes folded and put away. I can choose to take it out on my children or breath deeply and bite my tongue. I can choose to live, literally. When all I can think about is death, I can choose life and keep breathing and get through one more day. Every day that I live, every day that I am productive, every day that I love my family enough to put them before me, I overcome. Can God heal the depression? Of course. I will always hope for that. But, just as Paul had to live with his thorn, I may have to live with this one. As for my "addiction"? I've made it 7 years. I can make it longer. And once I cross that line, keep on going. I want it removed so badly so that I don't have to make that choice but 7 years has shown that that is not going to happen. I will have to overcome by taking back my mind, my heart, my body, my spirit and giving it where it is supposed to be; God and my husband. I don't know how to do all of that and my heart hurts so badly right now but today.... today has been an ok day. But I am still far from overcoming. One day I may have victory and the next, I may be defeated but God's mercies are new every day so the next day can be victorious. It's not over until my spirit leaves my body.
In counseling, I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to have it all together. I don't have to have overcome it all. I just have to be going and be ahead of the person that I'm leading. We are all vision impaired. Even the greatest counselor has their daily struggles. Just some of us are seeing more clearly than others. So, we put our glasses on and hold out our hand in hope that someone ahead of us will grab us and we hold out our other hand to grab someone else behind us and we all keep going through life, hand in hand. At least, that is how it ought to be. I have found this to not be so easy amongst the Body of Christ.
There are certain sins that the Church accepts (that's another post for another day). There are other sins that the Church can rally around and help the individual to freedom. Then, there are sins that the Church bugs out and leaves those broken individuals behind. Because I'm that broken one that has been bugged out on, because my husband is the broken one ignored, because my children are living in confusion without leaders to help comfort and offer peace, I am not going to be just a counselor, but a true Christian counselor. I will have people like my husband and friend to model after on what to be and lots of other Christians to model what not to be. When a Christian is broken and hurting, they need a safe place to heal and get back up, surrounded by fellow Christians who love them, not condemn them or even back away appalled at their struggles. I've been through a lot. I am going through a lot. I think that changes your perspective when helping others who have hit rock bottom.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
You Need To Wear Your Glasses!!!
Much of my adult life (not that I'm very old mind you) has been working to evaluate how I was raised and to over come what I believe to be the wrong ways that I was raised. I believe that how we raise our children directly impacts how our children will view God. Scripture references God as Father and God as Mother. The parent unit is crucial in developing a balanced view of the male role and the female role, father and mother and of our Creator. In a perfect world, we would have a perfect image of who God is but unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Marriages dissolve and children are left reeling in pain from the quake of divorce. Parents abandon children leaving them head over heels in a flood of fear and distrust. Mothers yell and scream and fathers hit (or visa versa or both) leaving children angry and confused. These imperfect parents leave far from a perfect view of who God is, how He parents us and how He loves us. My trials and tribulations leave my knees weak as I realize that I am so far from being the Christian that I ought to be, so distorted of a reflection of our Heavenly Abba Father. God gives me dreams. Over the years, God has shown me so much. The view is clear and He is something far more than amazing and breath taking. I've seen! God has given me the prescription that I need to make my vision 20/20. Why then do I still seem to have blurred and distorted sight? How do I help my children see God when my own vision is so out of whack?
My oldest child has really bad vision. Her ophthalmologist gave me a lens to look through to give me an idea of what she sees. This lens was less than her vision but they didn't have one any stronger. My goodness though! This weaker example made me almost instantly sick! So, she wears glasses now. She doesn't like them though. She's used to how she sees and wearing the glasses make her eyes feel funny. It is a constant battle to get her to wear them and most days, I just don't even try anymore. I know, bad mommy but it's an all day fight of her asking over and over if she can take them off and me saying, "no, you need to wear your glasses!" Her wearing them may hopefully help correct some of this astigmatism and she may out grow it. Just now, I had to explain to her that this will help make her eye balls stronger.
God gives us "glasses" through His word, through His Holy Spirit speaking to us, through dreams and visions. All around us are "glasses" to help us see Him clearly. We just have to choose to wear them. If we don't, then we continue to walk around with blurred and distorted vision and never fully understanding Him and ultimately His calling on our lives. What has God given you over the years to help you see better? Do you even know where your "glasses" are? Put them on and if you don't know if you have any or where they are, ask God to show you, again (because most likely, He's shown you already and probably several times at that, but you've missed it somewhere along the way). I know I've got them but sometimes I loose them and other times I just forget to put them on. It's tiring wearing glasses. It strains our eyes to re-see. So is wearing our spiritual glasses. It can even hurt at times as we re-train our spirits and flesh to react to this world differently. I don't like it : / But, I know the end result will be worth it. My physical eyes see 20/20. It is so freeing! So much more so when my spiritual eyes see 20/20.
Lord, forgive me for not using the tools you have given me. My eyes are weak. My flesh is weak. My spirit is tired. But, I put on my glasses and try again. Thank you for your gift and thank you for your mercy and forgiveness and understanding that this journey is not easy at all. Help me to remember to wear my glasses not just for my spiritual freedom but also for my children's. You have given them to me for me to disciple in Jesus Christ and train them to grow up seeing Him in as true of a light as I possibly can. I am so thankful though that despite my imperfections, you are still mighty and more than able to overcome my mistakes. I just don't want them to struggle as painfully as I have.
My oldest child has really bad vision. Her ophthalmologist gave me a lens to look through to give me an idea of what she sees. This lens was less than her vision but they didn't have one any stronger. My goodness though! This weaker example made me almost instantly sick! So, she wears glasses now. She doesn't like them though. She's used to how she sees and wearing the glasses make her eyes feel funny. It is a constant battle to get her to wear them and most days, I just don't even try anymore. I know, bad mommy but it's an all day fight of her asking over and over if she can take them off and me saying, "no, you need to wear your glasses!" Her wearing them may hopefully help correct some of this astigmatism and she may out grow it. Just now, I had to explain to her that this will help make her eye balls stronger.
God gives us "glasses" through His word, through His Holy Spirit speaking to us, through dreams and visions. All around us are "glasses" to help us see Him clearly. We just have to choose to wear them. If we don't, then we continue to walk around with blurred and distorted vision and never fully understanding Him and ultimately His calling on our lives. What has God given you over the years to help you see better? Do you even know where your "glasses" are? Put them on and if you don't know if you have any or where they are, ask God to show you, again (because most likely, He's shown you already and probably several times at that, but you've missed it somewhere along the way). I know I've got them but sometimes I loose them and other times I just forget to put them on. It's tiring wearing glasses. It strains our eyes to re-see. So is wearing our spiritual glasses. It can even hurt at times as we re-train our spirits and flesh to react to this world differently. I don't like it : / But, I know the end result will be worth it. My physical eyes see 20/20. It is so freeing! So much more so when my spiritual eyes see 20/20.
Lord, forgive me for not using the tools you have given me. My eyes are weak. My flesh is weak. My spirit is tired. But, I put on my glasses and try again. Thank you for your gift and thank you for your mercy and forgiveness and understanding that this journey is not easy at all. Help me to remember to wear my glasses not just for my spiritual freedom but also for my children's. You have given them to me for me to disciple in Jesus Christ and train them to grow up seeing Him in as true of a light as I possibly can. I am so thankful though that despite my imperfections, you are still mighty and more than able to overcome my mistakes. I just don't want them to struggle as painfully as I have.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Three Letter Word
"Turn Your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me...lead and guide me....You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul....Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. my life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning' my strength fails because of my affliction and my bones grow weak....I am the utter contempt of my neighbors' I am a dread to my friends [and family]-those who see me flee from me. I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery for I hear the slander of many....[Satan] plots to take my life."
Psalm 31 has been my resting place in scripture this week. It has been so close of a reflection to what my life has turned into. I have been battling a very intense and deep depression, a broken heart so deeply wounded that my heart literally hurts and breathing is labored at simple exertion. I've thought myself to be a strong woman but here lately, not only have I realized that I am quite the opposite, I've realized that all of my growth in Jesus has really not been nearly as much as I thought. I know we will never reach perfection or "enough" but to see just how bad off I really am just makes my heart want to stop. I told my husband that I want to die. I want it to end. I want all of this misery to just go away. The only thing keeping me here is him and my sweet babies. I don't want to heap agony on them that would come if I died but then I think, "what am I really giving them?!?!?" I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how right my heart, no matter how good my intention, no matter how hard I work, no matter how far I go out of my way.....no matter what, it is never enough. Why keep going? I feel totally broken and of no use but that I am stepped on by all and cutting everyone as they pass my life by. I know Satan wants me dead. Worthless or not, any life he can claim, he'll take it.
But.
That one little three letter word is so powerful. It makes my little one's giggle (because they don't know the difference between but and butt and they know butt is not a word they are supposed to say but they can say but...), it can shatter dreams, it can let down, it can forever change a life for good or for bad.
"BUT, I trust in you, O Lord. How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. in the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues. Love the Lord, all His saints! The Lord preseves the faithful...be strong and take heart all you how HOPE in the Lord."
I've grown so much BUT....but here I am, so earth-anchored I can't seem to even see much anymore. Bible study Thursday night compared those who are earth-anchored vs. those who are heaven-anchored. I sat in utter shock at how worldly I really am. My question has been, "Lord, where have I gone wrong???" How can I have come all this way but still be so terribly far off? How can I have felt You so intimately but be so filthy and wicked??? How can I be washed by the Blood of Jesus Christ but feel hell licking me every which way I turn? How am I so lost????
I've thought myself to be filled with the Holy Spirit but as I lay in bed thinking on the service and how hopeless I feel and how I should be filled with hope if I am filled with the Holy Spirit and it hit me; when was I filled with the Holy Spirit??? A moment like that should be something that you don't forget. I mean, the first people who were filled with the Holy Spirit are still remembered and looked up to through scripture, art, songs, story. I do not have any memory of the moment when my life was filled, taken control of, by the Holy Spirit. Yes, I know I have a relationship with Jesus and I know that I know His voice and that He has used me but God also used an ass : / That doesn't mean much. God will use anyone that is willing for Him to use...even a non-believer can be used by God to minister Truth. That happened to my husband.
It is time for a change in my life; a radical, monumental, never to be forgotten change. It is time for me to change but not in conforming to those around me making me what makes them comfortable but it is time for me to change my anchor. In order to change my anchor, I've got to be filled with Hope. I've got to be filled with the one who is Hope, the Holy Spirit. I don't know how to go about this but if I want power in my life, if I want peace in my life, if I want a life a full and a purpose driven life, if I truly want to be used by God to serve Him and help change the world for Him, I have to be full of Him. The hate, anger, blood-thirsty rage-filled thoughts, the frustration, the lack of peace, chaos, inability to let go and most importantly to forgive...all of this in me means I am filled with Satan. Ooooo! That's a hard thing to say. As I type this, a memory of this week's pain hits me and my stomach knots and I just feel like I am back at square one and all of yester-years progresses have been a total waste.
But.....I will trust in you, O Lord. I want to give up but You keep calling me. I feel hopeless but You say life's worth living. I feel helpless but You say I am and that's why I am to cry out to Jesus. I feel worthless but You say I am worth dying for. I say I am lonely and hurting but You say, "I am with you and waiting to heal you." I say I don't know how but you say, "just keep following after me."
Weak, weary, tired, battered and broken, I come Lord. I may be filled with Satan but I am covered by Your Blood. Your covering, Your love, Your mercy and grace is sweetness that I crave for and we all know a woman with a craving is unstoppable until that craving is fulfilled.
Psalm 31 has been my resting place in scripture this week. It has been so close of a reflection to what my life has turned into. I have been battling a very intense and deep depression, a broken heart so deeply wounded that my heart literally hurts and breathing is labored at simple exertion. I've thought myself to be a strong woman but here lately, not only have I realized that I am quite the opposite, I've realized that all of my growth in Jesus has really not been nearly as much as I thought. I know we will never reach perfection or "enough" but to see just how bad off I really am just makes my heart want to stop. I told my husband that I want to die. I want it to end. I want all of this misery to just go away. The only thing keeping me here is him and my sweet babies. I don't want to heap agony on them that would come if I died but then I think, "what am I really giving them?!?!?" I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how right my heart, no matter how good my intention, no matter how hard I work, no matter how far I go out of my way.....no matter what, it is never enough. Why keep going? I feel totally broken and of no use but that I am stepped on by all and cutting everyone as they pass my life by. I know Satan wants me dead. Worthless or not, any life he can claim, he'll take it.
But.
That one little three letter word is so powerful. It makes my little one's giggle (because they don't know the difference between but and butt and they know butt is not a word they are supposed to say but they can say but...), it can shatter dreams, it can let down, it can forever change a life for good or for bad.
"BUT, I trust in you, O Lord. How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. in the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues. Love the Lord, all His saints! The Lord preseves the faithful...be strong and take heart all you how HOPE in the Lord."
I've grown so much BUT....but here I am, so earth-anchored I can't seem to even see much anymore. Bible study Thursday night compared those who are earth-anchored vs. those who are heaven-anchored. I sat in utter shock at how worldly I really am. My question has been, "Lord, where have I gone wrong???" How can I have come all this way but still be so terribly far off? How can I have felt You so intimately but be so filthy and wicked??? How can I be washed by the Blood of Jesus Christ but feel hell licking me every which way I turn? How am I so lost????
I've thought myself to be filled with the Holy Spirit but as I lay in bed thinking on the service and how hopeless I feel and how I should be filled with hope if I am filled with the Holy Spirit and it hit me; when was I filled with the Holy Spirit??? A moment like that should be something that you don't forget. I mean, the first people who were filled with the Holy Spirit are still remembered and looked up to through scripture, art, songs, story. I do not have any memory of the moment when my life was filled, taken control of, by the Holy Spirit. Yes, I know I have a relationship with Jesus and I know that I know His voice and that He has used me but God also used an ass : / That doesn't mean much. God will use anyone that is willing for Him to use...even a non-believer can be used by God to minister Truth. That happened to my husband.
It is time for a change in my life; a radical, monumental, never to be forgotten change. It is time for me to change but not in conforming to those around me making me what makes them comfortable but it is time for me to change my anchor. In order to change my anchor, I've got to be filled with Hope. I've got to be filled with the one who is Hope, the Holy Spirit. I don't know how to go about this but if I want power in my life, if I want peace in my life, if I want a life a full and a purpose driven life, if I truly want to be used by God to serve Him and help change the world for Him, I have to be full of Him. The hate, anger, blood-thirsty rage-filled thoughts, the frustration, the lack of peace, chaos, inability to let go and most importantly to forgive...all of this in me means I am filled with Satan. Ooooo! That's a hard thing to say. As I type this, a memory of this week's pain hits me and my stomach knots and I just feel like I am back at square one and all of yester-years progresses have been a total waste.
But.....I will trust in you, O Lord. I want to give up but You keep calling me. I feel hopeless but You say life's worth living. I feel helpless but You say I am and that's why I am to cry out to Jesus. I feel worthless but You say I am worth dying for. I say I am lonely and hurting but You say, "I am with you and waiting to heal you." I say I don't know how but you say, "just keep following after me."
Weak, weary, tired, battered and broken, I come Lord. I may be filled with Satan but I am covered by Your Blood. Your covering, Your love, Your mercy and grace is sweetness that I crave for and we all know a woman with a craving is unstoppable until that craving is fulfilled.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Just. Keep. Breathing.....
More and more often are the days so hard to get through. The depression is just so overwhelming that it seems that my body almost forgets to breath. I don't want to breath sometimes. I just want it all to end. I don't want to hurt any more. I don't want to be cut any more. I don't want to be punched, spit on, belittled, tore down, unwanted....I feel so unwanted and so alone. No matter how right my heart beats, it's never good enough and I'm always making someone mad and once again, I've lost love and stand in the dark so crushed that the tears can not hardly even come. The horizon is light by night lights and I just want to fly away. Most days all I can think about is, "Jesus, hurry and come". I can't kill myself but the thoughts are there. I just want it to end. I want the misery to end. I want the pain to end. I want to be loved by those I love and wanted by those I want. I want what I have to offer to be wanted and received instead of being a constant thorn in the side of everyone. I hate my life. I love my husband. I love my children. But, everything else in my life is pain and misery and I hate it. My heart is so broken that I'm physically suffering severe chest pains and my body just can hardly move. Breath. Breath. Breath. It's so hard.
Fifteen months ago, my best friend walked the streets with me while I labored. I walked my body to pure exhaustion and everything shut down and she went home and I went to bed. For another birth, I was left by the woman that I wanted by my side. This birth though, instead of excruciating loneliness, I gave birth to a dead baby. I couldn't even get her to answer the phone when I needed her the most. I went through 3 and 1/2 weeks of life in the NICU alone with only one visit from her. No anger then though. I was so thankful for my baby to have been given back to me. For my once dead baby to be alive and well. However, when the times are reversed and she's in labor, I try and give all that I can for her and her family. I try and be all that I needed from her but FOR her. This bitch that she carried this baby for though robbed me of these final moments. Here, I had walked through this surrogacy pregnancy with my best friend only for this bitch who doesn't deserve this precious little boy to take it away from me. And what hurts all the more is that my friend allowed her to. I got to the hospital and advocated for my best friend. I took her defense and encouraged everyone else to do the same. To allow her to birth how she needed to birth and not be bullied by nurses to birth how they wanted her to birth. I thought of her and prayed for her and this little boy. I gently tried to advocate for this innocent baby who's bitch of a biological mother was going to cut him and I get REMed out by my best friend's husband. Here, their family has sacrificed for a couple to give them a baby and this couple didn't care diddly squat for them but then when they get pissed off at me, instead of telling them to shut up, they're about to get their baby and can move on with their own miserably selfish lives, I get it. WHERE IS MY ADVOCATE?!?!? Why am I treated like shit?!?!? All I wanted was to give to her and love her and love this little baby and be a part of this amazing moment, to be a part of this little boy's life in some way...a great way. I feel once again like I'm holding a dead baby. I invested my heart in this and at the end have to walk away empty. I thought such horrible thoughts...thoughts that I couldn't even say to my husband because if the tongue holds the power of life and death, the blood would have run freely. I hate her. I hate that this woman was able to pay for a kid. The first thing this bitch did for her unborn child was to find a daycare to dump him in. The first thing she did to her newly born son was cut him.
So, it's not so Godly to be calling her a bitch but I'm so angry and hurt that I just don't even care right now. I'm always the bad guy so why not?!?!? If I'm gonna piss someone off, I guess it ought to be for something for real instead of thin skin and stupidity.
I guess I'm without my friend now. All because I advocated for her and this baby. All because I loved her and this baby. All because I spoke love and tenderness and truth. Not much of an incentive to love when love just leaves you crushed. All of the above is just piled high on top of the mountain of agony I'm already dealing with. Depression has got a vice grip on me and I feel like a black hole pulling nothing but death into me.
Fifteen months ago, my best friend walked the streets with me while I labored. I walked my body to pure exhaustion and everything shut down and she went home and I went to bed. For another birth, I was left by the woman that I wanted by my side. This birth though, instead of excruciating loneliness, I gave birth to a dead baby. I couldn't even get her to answer the phone when I needed her the most. I went through 3 and 1/2 weeks of life in the NICU alone with only one visit from her. No anger then though. I was so thankful for my baby to have been given back to me. For my once dead baby to be alive and well. However, when the times are reversed and she's in labor, I try and give all that I can for her and her family. I try and be all that I needed from her but FOR her. This bitch that she carried this baby for though robbed me of these final moments. Here, I had walked through this surrogacy pregnancy with my best friend only for this bitch who doesn't deserve this precious little boy to take it away from me. And what hurts all the more is that my friend allowed her to. I got to the hospital and advocated for my best friend. I took her defense and encouraged everyone else to do the same. To allow her to birth how she needed to birth and not be bullied by nurses to birth how they wanted her to birth. I thought of her and prayed for her and this little boy. I gently tried to advocate for this innocent baby who's bitch of a biological mother was going to cut him and I get REMed out by my best friend's husband. Here, their family has sacrificed for a couple to give them a baby and this couple didn't care diddly squat for them but then when they get pissed off at me, instead of telling them to shut up, they're about to get their baby and can move on with their own miserably selfish lives, I get it. WHERE IS MY ADVOCATE?!?!? Why am I treated like shit?!?!? All I wanted was to give to her and love her and love this little baby and be a part of this amazing moment, to be a part of this little boy's life in some way...a great way. I feel once again like I'm holding a dead baby. I invested my heart in this and at the end have to walk away empty. I thought such horrible thoughts...thoughts that I couldn't even say to my husband because if the tongue holds the power of life and death, the blood would have run freely. I hate her. I hate that this woman was able to pay for a kid. The first thing this bitch did for her unborn child was to find a daycare to dump him in. The first thing she did to her newly born son was cut him.
So, it's not so Godly to be calling her a bitch but I'm so angry and hurt that I just don't even care right now. I'm always the bad guy so why not?!?!? If I'm gonna piss someone off, I guess it ought to be for something for real instead of thin skin and stupidity.
I guess I'm without my friend now. All because I advocated for her and this baby. All because I loved her and this baby. All because I spoke love and tenderness and truth. Not much of an incentive to love when love just leaves you crushed. All of the above is just piled high on top of the mountain of agony I'm already dealing with. Depression has got a vice grip on me and I feel like a black hole pulling nothing but death into me.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Through Repetition We Remember
"Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge....You are my LORD; apart from you I have no good thing. I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let your faithful one see decay." Psalm 16
A life lived fully is faith-filled through thanks-filled eyes fixed on Jesus. Find thanks in all things though? I struggle with this most of all in my life. How do I find thanks, this eucharisteo, cut bleeding sons, babes ripped from mother's womb drowned in buckets, Theocracies seeking world domination through Freedom's blood, our own leaders set to lift themselves on high by tearing our life-given blessing away and crushing us by the weight of communism? These things and more burden my heart and I don't know how to see Beauty, Jesus, in any of it. How do you find eucharisteo in evil??? The only comfort that I can find at this time is that at some point, Beauty will step in and save. The weak will be made strong. The innocent will be given justice. All pain will be healed and sadness wiped away. Satan and his black-hole evil will collapse under its own gravity of destruction and death and, once and for all, pain, despair, destruction and sin will be no more.
Just remembering to keep my focus on Jesus. Through Jesus, thanksgiving. Life filled with thanksgiving is a full life. Daily striving to live life fully!
A life lived fully is faith-filled through thanks-filled eyes fixed on Jesus. Find thanks in all things though? I struggle with this most of all in my life. How do I find thanks, this eucharisteo, cut bleeding sons, babes ripped from mother's womb drowned in buckets, Theocracies seeking world domination through Freedom's blood, our own leaders set to lift themselves on high by tearing our life-given blessing away and crushing us by the weight of communism? These things and more burden my heart and I don't know how to see Beauty, Jesus, in any of it. How do you find eucharisteo in evil??? The only comfort that I can find at this time is that at some point, Beauty will step in and save. The weak will be made strong. The innocent will be given justice. All pain will be healed and sadness wiped away. Satan and his black-hole evil will collapse under its own gravity of destruction and death and, once and for all, pain, despair, destruction and sin will be no more.
Just remembering to keep my focus on Jesus. Through Jesus, thanksgiving. Life filled with thanksgiving is a full life. Daily striving to live life fully!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
What Are You Gazing Upon?
Open the eyes of my heart LORD; open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you. To see you high and lifted up, shining in the light of Your glory. Pour out your power and love, as we sing, "Holy! Holy! HOLY!!!"
It is this song that my day started with. It is with this quote that my prayers were directed this morning, "Faith is in the gaze of a soul." What my soul is set on will determine my faith and ultimately will determine my life (quality and quantity). So, with all of the heart ache that I have been sifting through these past several weeks, I stopped and thought about what my gaze has truly been on and how that may need to shift. If we set our gaze on pain, our lives will be filled with pain. Set your gaze on the wants of the world and flesh, and you will be filled with greed and emptiness. Gazing upon anger and unforgiveness? That will lead to a life on a break-neck coarse to death. A life gazing at self leads to a life of loneliness. Gaze on Jesus though, and you will have a life that is directed, purpose driven, full of love, joy, peace, grace, hope and faith. Faith is in the gaze of Jesus. Life is found in Jesus. There is still pain but through Jesus we can endure and overcome. Stay the course. Focus on Jesus. Do all that you can for the Kingdom of God and be welcomed home with, "well done my good and faithful servant."
It is this song that my day started with. It is with this quote that my prayers were directed this morning, "Faith is in the gaze of a soul." What my soul is set on will determine my faith and ultimately will determine my life (quality and quantity). So, with all of the heart ache that I have been sifting through these past several weeks, I stopped and thought about what my gaze has truly been on and how that may need to shift. If we set our gaze on pain, our lives will be filled with pain. Set your gaze on the wants of the world and flesh, and you will be filled with greed and emptiness. Gazing upon anger and unforgiveness? That will lead to a life on a break-neck coarse to death. A life gazing at self leads to a life of loneliness. Gaze on Jesus though, and you will have a life that is directed, purpose driven, full of love, joy, peace, grace, hope and faith. Faith is in the gaze of Jesus. Life is found in Jesus. There is still pain but through Jesus we can endure and overcome. Stay the course. Focus on Jesus. Do all that you can for the Kingdom of God and be welcomed home with, "well done my good and faithful servant."
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Look At What???
My eyes are burned deep with the terror stricken faces of new life suffering searing agony. My ears throb of gasping for breath lost to gloved hand torture. My heart is so broken my own breath comes heavy and I want to scream in rage and my blood boils over and I want vengeance and ending to routine child torture. I am bitten! I am bitten, bleeding, venom surging through by fangs of mainstream greed and self-centered beliefs. I am dying inside knowing that I've been unable to save and he will be yet one more victim; flesh torn, blood drips, screams, gasps and shock. Helpless. Hurt. Violated. In my brokenness, I sob cry confused and scared at how God can use me when those closest to me ignore my voice, when those I reach out to brush me off as a zealot. How can You, Jesus, use me when all of this pain I see and mothers ignore is killing me inside and hindering me from being who you have called me to be? He whispers gently for me to turn it off. Turn off this gift of technology and knowledge turned black hole of destruction and death sucking every ounce of strength out of me. Turn it off and look. Look. At. ME! (Numbers 21:8-9) Look at Me, your Beloved. Look deep into my eyes. Feel my breath of your face. Relax in heart holding embrace and taste honey sweet kisses on lips. Lay into me and breath; live. This road I walk is a weary life-draining journey. The wind and sand wear away at this tender love filled heart seeking to turn me into hate filled dead stone. I run this race of time at a break-neck speed but I can be of no good broken and crushed. I have to step back. Stop. Kneel. Lift up my eyes to Him and drink deep and long his water of life. Be recharged. Healed. To continue to be a vessel that He can fill again and again once I've poured out all. A soft vessel, unhardened by His fire, will dissolve when filled with water or oil. A hardened vessel broken wastes all that is poured in. I want to be able to pour out where He wants my water and oil to go. Where I look, what I look upon will determine how I live and IF I live. How do I look upon pain and not let it break me? I need to keep my heart on Jesus so that my eyes will see His purpose through the pain. This will be hard for me. The flesh is weak. The world is in my face. My heart pain feels suffocating and my spirit seems so small. But, He is bigger and higher than it all and I am trusting that He will heal and make me strong! Come Save LORD!!!!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Endless Circles
Blood flows. Late. Not really but late enough for Hope to be lifted and then to be shattered once again. Every month it is the same circle to be spun around and around again on. I know we are clay on the potter's wheel but I'm so worn from going in constant circles of pain and broken heart, the loss of a hope so dear and one that I can't let go of that I'm falling into a depression. Every month now is a month of mourning. Mourning an empty still womb that aches to be filled once more; echos of tumbling babies and haunted by phantom kicks and fluttering fingers. I want life in me again. When there is life growing in my body, there God's hands are inside of me knitting and forming and whispering dreams and plans for this little one as well as for me. When I am with child, I am most with God then ever before. I grow like my child is growing. God can not be in me growing a precious babe without growing me also. Two are one; mother and child. Three are one; mother, child and God. I am the most beautiful, strong and confident with child then ever in my life. I am transformed for this season and I feel like I glide on the air of Grace. A dream was placed in my heart and I gave birth to it with all of my heart and mind, body and spirit. But, at birth came death and that dream shattered into a million and more shards of blood and death and miracle and mercy but still dripping with indescribable pain and agony. He asks me to give it to Him to carry but I don't know how to let go of the unseen that sucks up every minute part of my day and life. I breath in; I breath out and all I want is to be filled to overflowing once more with new life and to birth that dream into life and wholeness and fullness and peace and joy; Hope and Faith. "What do you want?" Jesus asks the blind man. "I want to see!" says he. "What do you want?" Jesus asks this empty, aching, sobbing wreck of me. "I want to be FULL again!!!" I scream. "I want Your hands in me! I want life in me! I want to hear your voice vividly! I want to dance in your arms again as I did then. I want my core of womanhood to come full circle and finish my testimony with my dream birthed empowering, living and wriggling and crying and nursing. I want Hope and Faith in my arms not figuratively or spiritually." And the sobs leave me blackened with make-up; my face, my hands, my pillow, my husband's shirt. Oh my husband; Jesus flesh in my life, the one that I struggle to not stab with blames of fault that because of him I will never fulfill my dream and my womb lays empty and aching and my heart crushed into oblivion. God is bigger than him and me and choices and I beg for healing to my Jesus-man's body but I fear that the only healing that will come will have to be to this shattered woman and that only weighs all the more as I face the task of having to bury a dream; a dream I've buried and dug back up and perhaps it is the rotting carcass of this dream that is killing me and dragging me down deep. But, how do I untie this burden-corps of dead-dream? I've always been a dreamer but dreams have always been out of my grasp. How do I let go of that which I have never held?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Babies are NOT For Cutting!
Circumcision. Before I found out I was having a boy, it was the norm. Everyone does it. It's the best. It's clean and healthy. And, of course, if God said to do it, then do it! Why even question this topic? I didn't think to question circumcision let alone actually realize that it was something that was a choice, not until I came across mom-sites that proved not only was this a topic that parents had a choice in, it was a highly and passionately debated topic. When my husband and I first started talking about it, we were both in agreement that we would. My dad was, my husband was and every male I came into contact with (minus two children I had taken care of in nursery/daycare), were circumcised. But, seeing the heat in these debates, I got curious and started reading what these moms had to say. I have to admit, I even laughed and thought them to be ridiculous the moms who chose to keep their sons intact. Then, I found out that I was pregnant with a son and everything began to change; my mind began to spin and my heart began to twist and my spirit was far from settled. I HAD to make an informed choice on this.
My first place to start was the Bible. I pulled out the concordance and started with the very first verse on circumcision; God's command for Abraham to cut his flesh as a covenant. On and on and on I read. I had never realized how many times circumcision was talked about in scripture and even in my first rounds of researching and digging, I still missed a lot of info that was in there and how it really applies to Christians. The call for circumcision as a sign of the covenant was for the Israelites, slaves taken into the community and anyone else that was to become a part of the community. To not be circumcised was to be outside of the covenant and unclean. This reference to clean/unclean was not a physical "Ew! You're dirty!!!" but of a spiritual context. During the Old Testament times, life was very strictly ruled by laws, traditions, sacrifices and covenants. Anything that went outside of this often times faced death, at best, being kicked out of camp. Life was serious business back then! Jump to the birth of Jesus. Yes, he was circumcised. Again, part of the covenant and tradition BUT with his death and resurrection came a lot of changes. Jesus came to fulfill the law. In fulfilling the law, descendants of the Israelites are no longer bound to these laws. Much of those of the Jewish faith however, do not accept the New Testament so, they continue to circumcise. What about Christians? Well, there are two theories. First, we are not descendants of Israel so, the law never applied to us. Second, scripture says that we are grafted into the vine of Christ. So, we are coming into the people of God thus we should, right? Nope. Remember, when Jesus died and was resurrected, he fulfilled the law releasing all from the bondage. We now are free to come boldly before the throne of God, live a life by faith and do not have to keep to the old ways. Paul actually speaks harshly...VERY harshly to those who continue to circumcise and use the law of circumcision against those who are not. This last time I read through the New Testament, I was shocked at how often Paul talked against circumcision. This is not something talked about at all from the pulpit though the initial covenant is. I wonder why? So, being a woman led by God first, my first perspective in making the choice to cut or not cut my son was taken care of; I don't have to.
The second place I went in my researching circumcision was medical. While pregnant with my first son, I talked to two of my Ob/Gyn doctors. One was a woman the other was a man. The woman was a mother of two sons if I am remembering correctly. She had them circumcised. Her reasoning was because it was cleaner. The man's response was, "well, I'm a man and I'm circumcised and I turned out alright." I was quite taken back by this but thought it funny in a very uncomfortable way. "Yeah...ok, you're up my lady parts but do we really need to talk about yours???" is what I was thinking. Anyway, the information that I got from these two doctors was minimal. The woman doctor did acknowledge that she hated doing them. We then went on to talk about the different ways of carrying out the procedure. I had decided on the Plastibell thinking it was the best option. I didn't want to hurt my child but I wanted what was best for him. The ad for Plastibell seemed so.....well.....nice. Of course it would be appealing. They are trying to sell a product and make money. The Plastibell is a plastic "bell" shaped devise that fits over the exposed glans of the penis. Then the prepuce (foreskin) is pulled back over it and a string is tied so tight over the skin that blood flow is cut off and it eventually falls off like the umbilical cord stump. No cuts. No blood. It seemed safe and pain-free. I went on to watch some circumcisions demonstrated with Plastibell and other techniques. They were heartbreaking and the screams of these baby boys are unforgettable. Here is one that I watched. I found it interesting that the sellers of these products did not have examples of their products in use. I guess if they did, moms might be just a wee bit more uncomfortable with the idea of circumcising. That means, they loose money. What a shame. Anyway, back to my best friend Google for more research. (If you don't know this about Google, you can narrow your searches down to legit information if you want to get past the fluff and junk that is rampant on-line.)
Reasons parents circumcise:
Circumcision lowers the rate of UTI (Urinary Tract Infections). This is still very debated. The common sense answer though, (yes, I said common sense and I understand that this is MY interpretation of such) is hygiene and antibiotics. As a woman, I've had a few UTI's. They're no fun but, not the end of the world either. Simple home-remedies and antibiotics can clear it up in a day or two if caught quickly. My last one, after the birth of my youngest, I cleared up with eating raw garlic (used in meals or you can cut the clove into small pieces and swallow down like a pill). I took the antibiotics as a just in case because UTI's can turn into a dangerous kidney infection. Who would ever think of doing any form of surgical procedure on a girl/woman to prevent/treat a UTI??? It would be called barbaric and if done on a minor, child abuse and the child most likely would be taken from the family and I am sure most all would say, "GOOD!!!" With a 3 and 1/2 year old boy, a 2 year old boy and a 10 month old boy, we've never had any sort of infection, itchies or other problem. My almost 5 year old daughter on the other hand is constantly having some form of "problem" with her lady parts. Proper care of the intact penis, meaning LEAVE IT ALONE, lends to happy penis and baby/child. The foreskin protects the urethral opening from irritants and germs. Thus, lessening the rate of UTI. What we are not told is that, if the foreskin is forcibly retracted, aside from other far greater damage, this greatly increases the incident of UTI. Then, add to that parents or child not keeping this prematurely exposed area of the body properly cleaned, and you have a happy place for germs and infection.
Circumcision lessens the risk of STDs and HIV/AIDS. This too has been proven wrong. Those who began these studies were pro-circumcision with agendas of their own. Circumcision is a huge money maker and anything will be said to keep the cash flow coming in. For argument sake though, let's say that circumcision DOES greatly reduce the incident of HIV/AIDS or other STDS. Why are we circumcising infants though? Unless I'm missing something, infant boys are not having sex. Yes, the rate of sex in children is getting younger and younger but really, NEWBORNS??? Here are a few articles to check out on this matter:
~ http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/HIVStatement.html
They won't remember it if it is done when they are newborns. (coming soon)
He will have to have it done later anyway (he will out-grow it, it won't retract or other reason). (coming soon)
But, I don't want my son to be made fun of/I want him to look like his dad/brothers. While I do not promote crude language and content, this video says it all so well! WARNING: do not watch with children present. If you don't watch it though, the gist is, no one will be comparing penises with anyone else. I have a cut husband and three intact boys, one of which has hypospadias with chordee. Two of them look the "same" but no one has ever said anything about the other's private places and we are a very open family; while we teach modesty and to respect other people's privacy, nudity is normal and not taught as dirty for our family. So, it is not for a lack of knowing what each other looks like. But, what if one does say something about the other? Then what??? Will the world come to a crashing halt?!?!? Far from it. Children have an amazing ability to understand honesty. They even seem to know when a parent is trying to beat around the bush and not tell it to them straight. So, little Johnny asks why his peepee looks different than daddy's or bigger brother. What do you say? The truth! Maybe something along the lines of, " Daddy's mommy had your daddy circumcised but we chose to leave you intact." Or, "Mommy and daddy chose to circumcise your brother because we didn't know any better but we learned that leaving our sons intact was better so we did not make the same mistake twice." See, so simple. Yes, more questions will come but you just keep the dialog open and honest. For another example, your son comes home from school or play and is upset because little turdlet bully saw their private place while he was going to the bathroom and decided to make a nasty show of bullying from it. Oh, this can be so painful. I hate to admit this, but this happened to a boy in my neighborhood when I was little. While in my heart, I felt so sad for the boy, I did let myself laugh too instead of taking up for him. I got picked on and as pathetic as this is looking back, it wasn't me getting picked on and I certainly was not going to do anything to turn it back on me. I don't recall seeing the boy again. If it were my son, oh how my heart would break. I would want to right all of his hurts and go beat some kids noggin's and....well, getting off topic. The thing about bullies though, they will bully over anything that they can get a rise off of. I got picked on about my ears. One comment from one girl and I did not wear my hair up in a pony tail for years. Even still, I am a bit off about my ears. They are big and 4 pregnancies did not help that. Should my mom have had something cut off or tucked or tacked on me? No. There is nothing wrong with my ears. What was wrong was the bully. You explain what bullying is and why people bully. You explain why you chose to not cut your son and that this boy most likely does not have a clue of what his mom allowed the doctor to take away from him. You go over all of the wonderful reasons why it is better that he be intact and that one day, this bully may be very sad and angry at what he has lost. These moments, as painful as they are, are wonderful teaching moments. Teach your child to love their enemies. Teach them to have compassion; there may be more to this bully than meets the eye. Teach your son to pray for those who hurt him. Teach your son how to teach others about what it is to be intact. Teach your son to stand strong and not be beaten down by others. Teach him to not find his self worth in what others think of him but what God SAYS of him. All of this should be a lifestyle up to this point and this teaching moment as a way to put into practice what you've been teaching. It would not be an easy moment for anyone but if handled properly and God-led can turn into a wonderful life lesson and possibly opportunity for your child to show the love of Jesus to a wounded child.
More Coming Soon!
My first place to start was the Bible. I pulled out the concordance and started with the very first verse on circumcision; God's command for Abraham to cut his flesh as a covenant. On and on and on I read. I had never realized how many times circumcision was talked about in scripture and even in my first rounds of researching and digging, I still missed a lot of info that was in there and how it really applies to Christians. The call for circumcision as a sign of the covenant was for the Israelites, slaves taken into the community and anyone else that was to become a part of the community. To not be circumcised was to be outside of the covenant and unclean. This reference to clean/unclean was not a physical "Ew! You're dirty!!!" but of a spiritual context. During the Old Testament times, life was very strictly ruled by laws, traditions, sacrifices and covenants. Anything that went outside of this often times faced death, at best, being kicked out of camp. Life was serious business back then! Jump to the birth of Jesus. Yes, he was circumcised. Again, part of the covenant and tradition BUT with his death and resurrection came a lot of changes. Jesus came to fulfill the law. In fulfilling the law, descendants of the Israelites are no longer bound to these laws. Much of those of the Jewish faith however, do not accept the New Testament so, they continue to circumcise. What about Christians? Well, there are two theories. First, we are not descendants of Israel so, the law never applied to us. Second, scripture says that we are grafted into the vine of Christ. So, we are coming into the people of God thus we should, right? Nope. Remember, when Jesus died and was resurrected, he fulfilled the law releasing all from the bondage. We now are free to come boldly before the throne of God, live a life by faith and do not have to keep to the old ways. Paul actually speaks harshly...VERY harshly to those who continue to circumcise and use the law of circumcision against those who are not. This last time I read through the New Testament, I was shocked at how often Paul talked against circumcision. This is not something talked about at all from the pulpit though the initial covenant is. I wonder why? So, being a woman led by God first, my first perspective in making the choice to cut or not cut my son was taken care of; I don't have to.
The second place I went in my researching circumcision was medical. While pregnant with my first son, I talked to two of my Ob/Gyn doctors. One was a woman the other was a man. The woman was a mother of two sons if I am remembering correctly. She had them circumcised. Her reasoning was because it was cleaner. The man's response was, "well, I'm a man and I'm circumcised and I turned out alright." I was quite taken back by this but thought it funny in a very uncomfortable way. "Yeah...ok, you're up my lady parts but do we really need to talk about yours???" is what I was thinking. Anyway, the information that I got from these two doctors was minimal. The woman doctor did acknowledge that she hated doing them. We then went on to talk about the different ways of carrying out the procedure. I had decided on the Plastibell thinking it was the best option. I didn't want to hurt my child but I wanted what was best for him. The ad for Plastibell seemed so.....well.....nice. Of course it would be appealing. They are trying to sell a product and make money. The Plastibell is a plastic "bell" shaped devise that fits over the exposed glans of the penis. Then the prepuce (foreskin) is pulled back over it and a string is tied so tight over the skin that blood flow is cut off and it eventually falls off like the umbilical cord stump. No cuts. No blood. It seemed safe and pain-free. I went on to watch some circumcisions demonstrated with Plastibell and other techniques. They were heartbreaking and the screams of these baby boys are unforgettable. Here is one that I watched. I found it interesting that the sellers of these products did not have examples of their products in use. I guess if they did, moms might be just a wee bit more uncomfortable with the idea of circumcising. That means, they loose money. What a shame. Anyway, back to my best friend Google for more research. (If you don't know this about Google, you can narrow your searches down to legit information if you want to get past the fluff and junk that is rampant on-line.)
Reasons parents circumcise:
Circumcision lowers the rate of UTI (Urinary Tract Infections). This is still very debated. The common sense answer though, (yes, I said common sense and I understand that this is MY interpretation of such) is hygiene and antibiotics. As a woman, I've had a few UTI's. They're no fun but, not the end of the world either. Simple home-remedies and antibiotics can clear it up in a day or two if caught quickly. My last one, after the birth of my youngest, I cleared up with eating raw garlic (used in meals or you can cut the clove into small pieces and swallow down like a pill). I took the antibiotics as a just in case because UTI's can turn into a dangerous kidney infection. Who would ever think of doing any form of surgical procedure on a girl/woman to prevent/treat a UTI??? It would be called barbaric and if done on a minor, child abuse and the child most likely would be taken from the family and I am sure most all would say, "GOOD!!!" With a 3 and 1/2 year old boy, a 2 year old boy and a 10 month old boy, we've never had any sort of infection, itchies or other problem. My almost 5 year old daughter on the other hand is constantly having some form of "problem" with her lady parts. Proper care of the intact penis, meaning LEAVE IT ALONE, lends to happy penis and baby/child. The foreskin protects the urethral opening from irritants and germs. Thus, lessening the rate of UTI. What we are not told is that, if the foreskin is forcibly retracted, aside from other far greater damage, this greatly increases the incident of UTI. Then, add to that parents or child not keeping this prematurely exposed area of the body properly cleaned, and you have a happy place for germs and infection.
Circumcision lessens the risk of STDs and HIV/AIDS. This too has been proven wrong. Those who began these studies were pro-circumcision with agendas of their own. Circumcision is a huge money maker and anything will be said to keep the cash flow coming in. For argument sake though, let's say that circumcision DOES greatly reduce the incident of HIV/AIDS or other STDS. Why are we circumcising infants though? Unless I'm missing something, infant boys are not having sex. Yes, the rate of sex in children is getting younger and younger but really, NEWBORNS??? Here are a few articles to check out on this matter:
~ http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/HIVStatement.html
· ~ http://jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/203/1/58.abstract?sid=8b0e0470-d2bf-4989-b147-bfdd83c72abb
They won't remember it if it is done when they are newborns. (coming soon)
He will have to have it done later anyway (he will out-grow it, it won't retract or other reason). (coming soon)
But, I don't want my son to be made fun of/I want him to look like his dad/brothers. While I do not promote crude language and content, this video says it all so well! WARNING: do not watch with children present. If you don't watch it though, the gist is, no one will be comparing penises with anyone else. I have a cut husband and three intact boys, one of which has hypospadias with chordee. Two of them look the "same" but no one has ever said anything about the other's private places and we are a very open family; while we teach modesty and to respect other people's privacy, nudity is normal and not taught as dirty for our family. So, it is not for a lack of knowing what each other looks like. But, what if one does say something about the other? Then what??? Will the world come to a crashing halt?!?!? Far from it. Children have an amazing ability to understand honesty. They even seem to know when a parent is trying to beat around the bush and not tell it to them straight. So, little Johnny asks why his peepee looks different than daddy's or bigger brother. What do you say? The truth! Maybe something along the lines of, " Daddy's mommy had your daddy circumcised but we chose to leave you intact." Or, "Mommy and daddy chose to circumcise your brother because we didn't know any better but we learned that leaving our sons intact was better so we did not make the same mistake twice." See, so simple. Yes, more questions will come but you just keep the dialog open and honest. For another example, your son comes home from school or play and is upset because little turdlet bully saw their private place while he was going to the bathroom and decided to make a nasty show of bullying from it. Oh, this can be so painful. I hate to admit this, but this happened to a boy in my neighborhood when I was little. While in my heart, I felt so sad for the boy, I did let myself laugh too instead of taking up for him. I got picked on and as pathetic as this is looking back, it wasn't me getting picked on and I certainly was not going to do anything to turn it back on me. I don't recall seeing the boy again. If it were my son, oh how my heart would break. I would want to right all of his hurts and go beat some kids noggin's and....well, getting off topic. The thing about bullies though, they will bully over anything that they can get a rise off of. I got picked on about my ears. One comment from one girl and I did not wear my hair up in a pony tail for years. Even still, I am a bit off about my ears. They are big and 4 pregnancies did not help that. Should my mom have had something cut off or tucked or tacked on me? No. There is nothing wrong with my ears. What was wrong was the bully. You explain what bullying is and why people bully. You explain why you chose to not cut your son and that this boy most likely does not have a clue of what his mom allowed the doctor to take away from him. You go over all of the wonderful reasons why it is better that he be intact and that one day, this bully may be very sad and angry at what he has lost. These moments, as painful as they are, are wonderful teaching moments. Teach your child to love their enemies. Teach them to have compassion; there may be more to this bully than meets the eye. Teach your son to pray for those who hurt him. Teach your son how to teach others about what it is to be intact. Teach your son to stand strong and not be beaten down by others. Teach him to not find his self worth in what others think of him but what God SAYS of him. All of this should be a lifestyle up to this point and this teaching moment as a way to put into practice what you've been teaching. It would not be an easy moment for anyone but if handled properly and God-led can turn into a wonderful life lesson and possibly opportunity for your child to show the love of Jesus to a wounded child.
More Coming Soon!
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