Look At What???

My eyes are burned deep with the terror stricken faces of new life suffering searing agony.  My ears throb of gasping for breath lost to gloved hand torture.  My heart is so broken my own breath comes heavy and I want to scream in rage and my blood boils over and I want vengeance and ending to routine child torture.  I am bitten!  I am bitten, bleeding, venom surging through by fangs of mainstream greed and self-centered beliefs.  I am dying inside knowing that I've been unable to save and he will be yet one more victim; flesh torn, blood drips, screams, gasps and shock.  Helpless.  Hurt.  Violated.  In my brokenness, I sob cry confused and scared at how God can use me when those closest to me ignore my voice, when those I reach out to brush me off as a zealot.  How can You, Jesus, use me when all of this pain I see and mothers ignore is killing me inside and hindering me from being who you have called me to be?  He whispers gently for me to turn it off.  Turn off this gift of technology and knowledge turned black hole of destruction and death sucking every ounce of strength out of me.  Turn it off and look.  Look.  At.  ME!  (Numbers 21:8-9)  Look at Me, your Beloved.  Look deep into my eyes.  Feel my breath of your face.  Relax in heart holding embrace and taste honey sweet kisses on lips.  Lay into me and breath; live.  This road I walk is a weary life-draining journey.  The wind and sand wear away at this tender love filled heart seeking to turn me into hate filled dead stone.  I run this race of time at a break-neck speed but I can be of no good broken and crushed.  I have to step back.  Stop.  Kneel. Lift up my eyes to Him and drink deep and long his water of life.  Be recharged.  Healed.  To continue to be a vessel that He can fill again and again once I've poured out all.  A soft vessel, unhardened by His fire, will dissolve when filled with water or oil.  A hardened vessel broken wastes all that is poured in.  I want to be able to pour out where He wants my water and oil to go.  Where I look, what I look upon will determine how I live and IF I live.  How do I look upon pain and not let it break me?  I need to keep my heart on Jesus so that my eyes will see His purpose through the pain.  This will be hard for me.  The flesh is weak.  The world is in my face.  My heart pain feels suffocating and my spirit seems so small.  But, He is bigger and higher than it all and I am trusting that He will heal and make me strong!  Come Save LORD!!!!